Cheese

Where the fuck is my mozzarella? This is seriously bugging me. Last night I whip open the ‘fridge door and slide open the little cubby where most people keep their butter. Much to my dismay there was no brick of mozzarella! Yes, I do keep my cheese on that little shelf on the inside of the ‘fridge door. Tuesday night I had a pound of cheese. I cut off a couple ounces for my lunch, then I put the remaining brick in a Ziploc baggy, and then I… I don’t know. I should of put it back in the butter cubby, but it’s not there. I asked SSDiabolique; she didn’t know. I asked jue since she’s been staying with us this week; she didn’t know. I asked freak-monkey(LC) which was complicated enough.
“Freak-monkey, did you take the cheese out of the refrigerator?”
“Yes,” she said.
“What did you do with it? Eat it all?”
“Yes,” she said.
“You ate a whole pound of mozzarella cheese?!” I inquired.
“Yes,” she said.
“Uh-huh,” I narrowed my eyes and asked seriously, “Did you put the cheese in the blender with an assortment nuts, fruits, and fecal matter? Then did you drink it up like a strawberry protein shake?”
“Yes,” she said smiling.
So my obvious conclusion was that freak-monkey didn’t touch it, either. So I replay the events in my mind. Tuesday night I had a pound of cheese. I cut off a couple ounces for my lunch, then I put the remaining brick in a Ziploc baggy, and then I… I don’t know. I have this overwhelming feeling in my gut that I did something stupid like put the cheese under the kitchen sink behind the potting soil. Months from now, I’ll be looking for my car keys under the sink (Hey, at the rate I’m going it could happen.) and I’ll find a Ziploc baggy full of blue-green fuzzy goo. I’ll take the specimen down to the local Fuzzy Goo Authorities and when they rip it open they’ll unleash a pandemic that will make Steven King’s The Stand look like hay fever.

...and so it was written, shenry at 6/20/2002 09:12:00 AM.
...and so it was appended with .