Coffee Crew

Stella’s was enjoyable once again. Attendees on Sunday included Anti-Shen, MC Ken, SSDiabolique, Vanilla Sistah, my mom, and me. Yeah, mom showed up for a bit, that was fun. I thought that Coffee Crew would die in its infancy with me out sick for the whole week, but people showed. We discussed everything from the Jumping Frenchmen of Maine to fecal sculpting, which I predicted as the next big avant-garde art fad. (“…and I call this one Bleeding Cream Corn Anus on a Winter’s Day. It speaks out on so many levels.”) I also pulled a fast one on ‘em. I was retelling the events that took place during my physical…

…No, they didn’t give me the ol’ finger up the butt hole, but the doc did tell me that I’m at risk for testicular cancer based upon my age. She told me to check for tumors every month by fondling my balls. She also said the tongue is the most sensitive part of the human body and the preferred way to check for lumps is to use the mouth. Then she took my whole nut sack and put it in her mouth. Is that normal?

Nobody believed me, but for half a millisecond I observed looks of astonishment and surprise. Ah, it was worth is. I suck at telling stupid stories like that because I inevitably break down and laugh uncontrollably, but I am damn proud of myself for telling that lie without cracking.

Anyway… Aside from the occasional coughing fit, I’m feeling muy better. Unfortunately, SSDiabolique is feeling worse. I hate being sick. Duh! Does anyone like it? It throws off life. I feel like such a slug, no exercise and no nutritional restraint for the last week… probably no exercise tonight either. I honestly like moving heavy objects for no apparent reason; I find it challenging and, dare I say, fun. I also like the term “nutritional restraint.” It conveys a lot more than dieting. Every time I explain my eating habits to someone they ask, “So why do you diet?” IT’S NOT DIETING! It’s just eating right. I put a lot of thought into the foods I choose and the quantities I consume. Just because I don’t shove Ho-Ho’s, pizza, and crap down my throat 24/7 does not mean I’m dieting. In fact the fat laden masses of America that berate my eating style while cramming McDonalds down their gaping pie hole are… Argh! Must… calm… down… must… breath… Yeah, I partake in a little fast food from time to time or maybe some Milk Duds, but that is strictly on scheduled “off” days. It’s all about choice and responsibility for yourself. It’s all about enjoying life in moderation. It’s all about… Okay, I’m done.

“…and this one, this one is my personal fave, The Call of the Colon”
...and so it was written, shenry at 7/08/2002 02:56:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .