Movie Week

Yep, rented all six of those flicks on Monday. I said it before and I’ll say it again: Autumn weather is ripe for snuggling up and watching a movie with your honey. We tried to get an eclectic mix of genres: Suspense (Frailty), children’s (Monsters Inc), chick flick (Cat’s Meow), war (I’ve yet to see Saving Private Ryan), classic (haven’t seen Citizen Kane either), and foreign (City of Lost Children… yes, I lump anything with subtitles into the same category). Guess which one of these movies SSDiabolique is going to watch without me? If you guessed The Cat’s Meow then I’ll buy you a shot of vodka next time we’re chillin’ at the Candle Light Tavern.

What’s up with my pretentious choice of movies anyway? They are all high quality cerebral titles and therein lay the problem. Even Monsters Inc is a smart kiddy film with its cutting edge computer animation, sharp dialogue, and imaginative story line. I have yet to see Collateral Damage or The Scorpion King but I barely glanced at them as I scanned the new release wall. What’s wrong with me? I've got to be in a rare mood these days to watch a cornball action flick. It's sad, really. It used to be I could down a dozen crappy action flicks a month. In fact, I remember a time when all I watched was mindless action movies. Ah, those were the days when I didn't care about quality, plot, character development, mood, acting, cinematography, etc. Back then all I cared about was nonstop eye candy, and all I needed was the weakest of character motives for the good guys and bad guys. Now things are different, as I've aged I've acquired wisdom and as a consequence I've acquired standards. The cheesy action movie still holds a sacred place in my heart, but it's just not the same anymore.

Before, I could revel in the mindless violence of a bullet storm hailing past the hero as he ran across a parking lot, performing aerial acrobatics and mowing down scores of evil henchmen with his stash of common eating utensils. Now if I saw that same scene I would guffaw so profusely that chunks popcorn and spittle would plaster the television screen creating prismatic rainbows through which the remainder of the movie would have to be viewed. The last time I tried to watch a stupid action movie, Reign of Fire, I couldn’t shut up: “THAT couldn't happen… WHY would anyone do it THAT way… C’mon, that is THE stupidest premise… He deserves to die… Ugh, you GOTTA be kidding me… Stupidstupidstupid… They ALL deserve to die…” Why couldn’t I just sit there and jell?

Next time I pick up a couple of rentals I’m going to make sure I include a classic testosterone fueled kill fest like Commando or Cobra. I’m going to shut off the ostentatious part of my brain and get drunk off the aggression of the movie. I’m going to reroute my la-di-da movie trend to more base selections. Hell yeah, I’m getting pumped just thinking about it. I'm going to be first in line when Ah-nuld and Sly decide to co-star in a movie together, but they better stop wasting time 'cause neither of them are getting any younger.

So raise that shot of vodka I had to buy you ‘cause this is a toast: Here’s to gunfights, violence, adversity, explosions, ass-whuppin’, one-liners, epic battles, and mind numbing fun.


A note on stupid comedies: I could rewrite this entire article and tailor it to the stupid comedies that I used to feast upon. I have yet to see Freddy Got Fingered or Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, but I can only handle one crisis at a time.
...and so it was written, shenry at 10/09/2002 02:19:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .