Ninja Gate

I think I found a new ninja gate. My walk to work from the gym takes me along the back of a crappy strip mall. Today, a guy walking half a block in front of me took an unexpected right and disappeared into the back of the strip mall. I slowed as I approached the area where he vanished. Ah, a loading dock, he must work here. As I shuffled by I glimpsed a narrow corridor next to the dock that seamed to extend through. I wonder if that’s a public corridor or if it’s restricted to mall personnel? I resumed my standard pace and when I reached the next street I turned the corner. There was the guy, now a full block ahead of me. He had used the ninja gate and cut diagonally across the mall parking lot to gain a substantial lead on me. Damn, I gotta investigate that secret passage.

I picked up the term ninja gate from my old high school buddy The Koosh of the North Star, who I haven’t seen since… um, well… high school. I remember going to see a movie with him, either Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Ace Venture: Pet Detective. It must’ve been Dracula because Ace Ventura was released after we graduated. We zigzagged our way through the theater parking garage looking for a choice place to stable my sputtering 1974 VW Bug. After a bit of parking spot scavenging, I started to pull into a workable spot.

~“Don’t pull in here,” commanded KotNS, “There is a spot over there.”
~“Huh? This one is closer,” I protested.
~“But that one is next to that door.”
~I giggled like a ferret, “There is no door over there.”
~KotNS sighed heavily, “Yes there is. Next to that handicap spot.”

I rolled my eyes and parked where he indicated and, lo-and-behold, there was a door painted the same gray as the cracking concrete columns and walls. This door opened up directly into the theatre lobby. It made no sense to me why this obviously useful door was so casually camouflaged. As we stepped through the door, KotNS quipped that we had just used a secret ninja gate because only an expertly trained ninja, such as himself, could detect such a portal.

So there you have it, ninja gates are basically hidden shortcuts. The corridor that cuts through the strip mall: Ninja gate. The stairwell at work that you use to sneak out after lunch on Friday because all the other employees seam to have forgotten it exists: Ninja gate. Your neighbor’s driveway that lets you get to the alley without circling the block: Ninja gate. The twisted unfinished halls in your local mall that only the employees are allowed to use, but you use them anyway because the exposed utility pipes remind you of that scene from Aliens: Ninja gate. The fire escape you use to get into your apartment because you stopped paying rent and that wench of a building manager changed the locks: Ninja gate. The inconspicuous door that opens to room full of stealthy cowled assassins: Ninja Gate.

Damn, I wish I could be a shogun samurai
So I can swing a sword and make necks fly
I'd go to school and ninja crawl through the halls...
...and so it was written, shenry at 10/15/2002 03:41:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .