Now do you want to touch my butt?

I have greatly simplified and streamlined my lifestyle through the use of one humble binder clip. This devise has emancipated me from the bulky weight of my wallet. No longer will the natural curves of my firm ass hide behind a shield of wadded up bills and forgotten business cards. Free at last! I’ve been using the binder clip method on a trial basis for the last month and I am certain to make it a permanent way of life. MK convinced me to give the binder clip a shot and now I am going to convince all men throughout the world to toss aside your cumbersome ass-padding and celebrate the clip… not a money clip, merely a binder clip. The shear simplicity and functionality of this common office supply is waiting to embrace your wad of cheddar. Open your wallet and what do you see? If you are like me, you see credit cards, identification, dollars, business cards, receipts, notes, and other miscellaneous crap. Take stock in what you hold; all you really need it your driver’s license, bank card, credit card, money, and work ID (if applicable). You’ve just reduces that awkward bundle of leather, plastic, and paper into four cards and cash. Now, stack those four cards together, fold the bills around the pile and clamp it together in the vise-like mouth of that binder clip. Don’t use a large binder clip either; all that is required is a small 3/4” clip with a 3/8” capacity. The resulting compact bundle slides unobtrusively into your front pocket. It’s like wearing nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all.

I had my initial misgivings. Sure I could get by without all those useless business cards and those orphaned half-stamped coffee house cards (get 12 stamps and received a free latte). What about my health insurance card, gym membership, and movie rental card? Bah! In the information age, those things are worthless artifacts of a forgotten time. This past month I’ve rented plenty of movies and, as I feared, I neglected to bring my Blockbuster card twice. The first time I forgot my card, I gave the clerk my ol’ puppy dog eyes and explained how my rental card was at home. The clerk asked for my driver’s license and looked up my account status on-line. Easy. The second time I forgot my card, I casually tossed out my license and said, “Sorry, I didn’t remember to grab my card.”

There are plenty of pros here like convenience, fashion/style, unfettered booty, no back pains, and cost (mere pennies for a binder clip). For the life of me I can only come up with one con: the condom. So what, just wear one everywhere you go. That way you’re ready for action at the drop of a waistline without all that mood-stifling/choking/killing bollixing as you try to rip open the package with your teeth and a box cutter.

Viva las sujetadores pequenos para carpeta!
...and so it was written, shenry at 10/03/2002 02:56:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .