Thoughts on the Game

How can a bronco lose to a colt? On one hand we have a majestic untamed horse that ferociously rears up on its hind legs with its mane nobly flowing in the breeze. On the other hand we have an unsteady prepubescent version of the above. If I ever own a professional sports team I’m going to name it the Underage Cum Sucking Crack Whores. My team will sure blow, but each one of my victories will be a bitch-slap across the face of the losing team.

"Crack Whores Blow Bills Away"
"Cum Suckers Suck Lakers Dry"
"Crack Whores Make 76ers Look Like 69ers"
"Underage Whores on Top of the NFL"
"Cum Suckers Ride Broncos to Victory"
"Blue Jays Smoked by Crack Whores"
"Whores Toss Browns’ Salad"

Despite the loss, I had a good time. I smuggled the hip flask in without any problems. In and of itself this was no great feet, and it only bears mentioning because the guy next to me in line was busted for his bottle of Wild Turkey. As security was patting me down the disgruntled fan vehemently argued his case and estimated that everybody in line was bootlegging. His estimation may indeed be correct, but nobody else was stupid enough to wrap a bottle of booze in a blanket thinking it wouldn’t be searched. My intentions were to toast each Broncos’ score, but after a dry first quarter Benz-oh and I dipped into my Grey Goose vodka.

It was so cold I thought I had lost my toes to frostbite that would lead to inevitable amputation. I still have my toes and they have regained sensation. For those of you who are so thoughtfully concerned, I still have both testicles and judging by my fiery jock itch they have regained sensation also… although it was touch and go for a while. I almost bought a mug of hot cocoa at halftime, but I couldn’t rationalize the $2.75 price tag. After three hours of scrotum shriveling shivering I would’ve given my left arm for that mug o’ cocoa so that I could splash it directly onto my crispy cold crotch. Sometimes in life it comes down to those tough decisions: Left arm or left testicle?

When I flopped into bed Sunday way past my bedtime I immediately made the decision to call in “sick” to work. Yesterday was spent watching unjustifiable hours of crappy movies like Black Knight, The Animal, The Musketeer, and Mr. Wrong. What else could I do, I was “sick”?
...and so it was written, shenry at 11/26/2002 01:59:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .