Turkey Wrap

Went up to my dad’s yesterday for Thanksgiving. The conversation was spastic and animated thanks to Amber. Her speaking style now consists of sound effects and flailing arm motions with an occasional conjunction thrown in for good measure. It seams that being the mother of a toddler and an infant has made my sister quite loony. Dad busted out his new toy, a flamethrower, and decided to show off by torching a squirrel midden. Benz-oh claimed his shlong was bigger than mine, but we couldn’t standardize a measuring technique so the boast remains unsubstantiated. There were just too many questions: Erect or flaccid? Bellybutton side or grundle side? Who uses the ruler first? Jue hacked down a Christmas tree. SSDiabolique and step-mom Vicki put a puzzle together. The kids, El-Sea and Alexis, took turns shoving each other off the top of my dad’s bunk beds. The infant, Ariane, drooled and squirmed, which is more than can be said for his father, Mike, who slept through the day. Vicki’s parents watched football.

Today, SSDiabolique and El-Sea are home sick with sore throats and snotty noses. Judging by the tickle in the back of my neck I fear I’m next. I keep telling myself that I’m not getting sick I’m just dehydrated. I wonder who gave us this bug and whom we subsequently contaminated? With today being the busiest shopping day of the year, if I had a modicum of malice I would march out to the malls and mete out my malady amongst the masses. All it would take is one or two well placed sneezes. I would position myself on the second level of some mall and casually lean over the railing outside the Gap. I would pretend to be a bored husband waiting for my wife to drag herself away from the trendy plaid scarves with matching earmuffs. As a large herd of impulsive shoppers pass below me on the first floor I would cock my neck, like a sniper preparing to unleash his random fury, and sneeze. Ah-choo! The fine mist of my saliva saturated with infectious bacteria would drizzle down upon them all.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll stop at the mall on my way home today.
...and so it was written, shenry at 11/29/2002 01:23:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .