New Reason for Living

I’ve found my destiny: The Alferd Packer Trail Challenge. It’s a nice half-marathon (13.1-mile) course that goes up hills, down valleys, along beaches, and fords rivers (peep these picts). The deal sealer is the date of March 9, 2003. March is Denver’s wettest month for precipitation, usually in snow form. What a hellish course at a hellish time. The taunting nature of their website has me pumped. The course will not destroy me; I will destroy the course. Who’s with me?

Not only are the environmental challenges intriguing, but also the Alferd Packer namesake is impossible to pass up. I’m talking about my pall, Alferd, who in 1874 journeyed out into a February blizzard with a bunch of friends and came back alone in April. How does one survive three deadly winter months lost in the Rocky Mountains? Alferd figured it out. He ate his five companions. If you’re overly interested here is a more detailed account of Alfie’s tribulations. To summarize, Alfie is convicted of murder, which is later reduced to manslaughter, and then he’s eventually paroled in 1901 only to die in 1907. Yeah, I’m skimming over 30-years of the guy’s life but it all leads into the second best episode of Alfie’s legend. Obviously, Alfie’s first great claim to fame is eating five people, and number three on his greatest hits list is the ingenious Alferd Packer's High Protein Cookbook. His second best and, sadly, his most forgotten moment came decades after his death. In 1940 a bishop, six of his followers, and a goat visit Alfie’s gravesite and in a macabre ceremony absolve Alfie of all his sins, transferring those sins to the goat. Remember this when I die, because it couldn’t hurt to have a goat suck out my sins like a toothless two-dollar crack whore. Now, who’s with me?

I’ve never run a marathon or even a half-marathon. Though I respect marathon runners for their endurance and stamina, I’ve always discarded marathon training because it’s counterproductive to my standard fitness goals, which usually have something to do with putting on more lean mass and lifting heavier objects. My long-term goal is a solid 200-lbs, not a rail-like 130-lbs. So, I’m torn. My short-term goal is to gain 10-lbs of muscle by February 28 and if I start marathon training I doubt I’ll reach that objective. Here’s my irrational plan: Both. I’m going to run the 13.1-mile course and put on 10-lbs of muscle as scheduled.

Yes, I’m plotting my course to physical hell and I’m looking for some companionship. We can all register tomorrow through the Alferd Packer Trail Challenge website.

To quote Judge Melville B. Gerry who sentenced Alferd Packer, "…therefor I sentence ye T' be hanged by the neck until y're dead, dead, dead!"
...and so it was written, shenry at 12/30/2002 03:21:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .