sore/blood/vomit/toilet

I am so friggin’ sore from a weekend’s worth of moving. It’s like heaven just sitting in my cubicle and lifting nothing but my fingers. Earlier, I had a mug of coffee and every time I raised it to my lips my elbow joint groaned in protest. Fingers and wrists are my only non-sore body parts. Jot down another pro-masturbation argument on to the ever-growing list that includes increased signature speed, enhanced videogame stamina, and -as Rach so wisely pointed out- stress relief.

Yesterday during the moving process, I nearly crimped off my left index finger. There were no sharp objects involved so I’m not talking about cutting/slicing/hacking/chopping; I’m talking about crimping/pinching. I’ll spare you the mechanics involved in how my finger got wedged where it did and how the beam pivoted into it, but I will indulge by stating my exact exclamation, “OW! Holy fuckin’ a-hole mother of… of a… a… Ouch! Piss-shit!” Yeah, I came up pretty lame with my string of obscenities. The pain was so shocking that I couldn’t even finish my sentence. Even right now, the wound looks as fresh and bloody as it did after I finished my feeble cussing.

Poor El-Sea wasn’t feeling too hot yesterday. She was all sleepy and pukey. At one point we had to go to the store to get some shit together so we could move in to the new house properly. El-Sea was so sick looking that I picked her up and hoisted her 4-year old body so that she could lay her head on my shoulder. We walked halfway across the parking lot when El-Sea was wracked with a coughing fit that resulted in a river of vomit flowing down my shirt. Yuck-ola. So what did I do? I wiped myself off as much as possible while SSDiabolique wiped off El-Sea, and then we rushed through our shopping in puke-stained clothes. Thankfully, she was feeling better last night before bed.

Check it out, yo: I’ve talked about masturbation, blood, and vomit all in one post. What could be next? How about crap, because -as Rach pointed out, again- I am enamored with my colon. My initial deposit into the Fecal Bank of Shenry at the new house went egregiously awry. The toilet overflowed, flooding the bathroom and soaking a good portion carpet next to the entryway. So there I am mopping up toilet water with towels and ringing them out in the shower, and don’t forget the gnarly gaping wound on my left index finger drinking up all the poo-infused water. This has to be the best recipe for hepatitis or some other shit-borne disease.

…and that’s the highlights of this past weekend.
...and so it was written, shenry at 2/03/2003 11:08:00 AM.
...and so it was appended with .