sanity is a question of perspective

Lori is charting a rapid decent toward insanity. At the rate she's going, she'll be completely nutzoid by the age of six. By the age of seven she'll start her own bizarre religious cult that wanders the globe in search of the fabled Rehole, which is, basically, Earth's anus. Lori's cult will be called The Keepers of the Holy Gompf Stick. Once they find the Earth's butt hole (just outside of Cheyenne, Wyoming), The Keepers and their illustrious high priestess, Lori, will stand ever vigilant in euphoric anticipation of planetary defecation. The Keepers will construct a highly defendable military compound around the Rehole. They will stockpile Barbies, Lunchables, and WMDs. Eventually, Lori will declare her complex a sovereign nation and the US government will go to war against the tiny nation of Gompfonia. After a month-long standoff, US official will realize that they are fighting to retain a small and utterly worthless piece of Wyoming. During treaty negotiations, Lori will successfully acquire the entire state of Wyoming.

By the age of eight, Lori will be the supreme ruler of Gompfonia (i.e., Old Wyoming). Gomfonia will become a mecca for the devout followers of the Holy Gompf Stick. Millions will flock there to behold the hallowed Rehole and trade their two-ply, quilted Charmin (with a hint of aloe) for wooden gompf sticks consecrated on the rim of the Earth's blessed asshole. By the age of nine, Lori will control the world's largest reserve of wood-pulp products. All nations that require paper for writing, wrapping, reading, or wiping will have to purchase the raw materials from Gompfonia.

It's going to happen, so be prepared. All the evidence is already present in my little Lori's thoughts and actions. I've documented several odd idiosyncrasies that portend her descent into insane megalomania, and I am here to report two new ones.

First, there are Lori's new imaginary friends. Ah, isn't that cute. Please, withhold judgment until you meet them.

Her imaginary brother, Kamui, is straight out of the anime X and, as far as I can tell, Kamui's main purpose is to die over and over again like Kenny from South Park. Do sane children kill off their imaginary brothers? I doubt it.

Lori's antagonistically hostile friend is Zero. Zero is quite contrary and Lori struggles with him quite a bit. The last I heard of Zero, he had stripped Lori's Barbies naked and arranged them to depict odd sexual acts. Do sane children create abrasively difficult imaginary friends? I doubt it, though I do want to point out that "Zero" is an incredibly appropriate name for an imaginary friend, demonstrating shrewd thoughtfulness on Lori's part.

Lastly, there is Booby-Girl who is, well, a girl with big boobs. There's not much more to say about her. Boobs. Big. You tell me: sane or insane?

Second, this picture that Lori drew for me recently is quite disturbing. The picture is of a humanoid figure. To me it appears as if the arms have been amputated just past the shoulder joints. Given the lack of genitalia I hate to guess at the gender, but if I have to make an assumption I would say that this is a male figure.

The second most disturbing aspect of this drawing is the spikes… or needles… or whatever those things are. I cannot tell if those things are protruding from the figure or penetrating into the figure. Regardless of in-to or out-of, the spikes are bizarre and painful looking.

The most disturbing aspect of this picture is the scratched out face. If fact, there is no real face, which is doubly creepy. I try to avoid looking at that anonymously mutilated faceless face. I'm sure this is symbolic of something, but I refuse to think about it long enough to figure it out.

Lori is going insane. I hope she does it in style.

…although…

…maybe Lori is not going insane.

…maybe her invisible friends and bizarre drawings are simply a result of her vivid and unbound imagination, which allows for a world of infinite possibilities. Kids do crazy things, say crazy things, and think crazy thing. At least that's what it looks like to us repressed adults. Kids don't know that the sun will never be zebra-striped until they color a striped sun and some inhibited adult then tells the kid that the picture is fucked up. However, the picture is not fucked up; it is the adult who is fucked up for attempting to castrate the kid's creativity.

Screw that. I refuse to sterilize Lori's mind. Long live the High Priestess of Gompfonia and her loyal subjects, Kamui, Zero, and Booby-Girl. I'm moving to the utopian Gompfonia as soon as its borders become open to heathens, like me, who do not tread the path of the Holy Gompf Stick.
...and so it was written, shenry at 2/02/2004 02:42:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .