hot quirks that work

Between the realms of universal beauty(*) and bizarre personal fetishes exists an amorphous nebula of private quirks. These quirks flavor our individual perceptions of attractiveness by adding spice to the prototypical model of human sex appeal, without twisting the paragon to the point of grotesque.

For your information/amusement/ridicule, I present a selection of Shenry-certified quirks that drive me bonkers:

crooked nose:
Perfect button noses tend to get lost in the plethora of facial features such as brows, eyes, lips, cheekbones, jaw line, skin, and hair. For me, the nose is a secondary accessory that fills the gap between the more important eyes and mouth. A totally busted nose is too much, but a subtle kink or Cleopatra regality adds character to the face. Similarly, a well-placed scar --say on the chin or above the brow-- can add a splash of facial fascination.

back muscles:
One of the sexiest actions is a woman performing a set of pull-ups or back rows. The resulting contractions of these exercises are magnified if the subject is wearing a sports bra with straps that wrap tightly over the neck at the trapezius. These straps should merge at the top of the back and flow down the spine until T-ing at the bust line and hugging the torso around the latissimus dorsi. Not only does this bra style frame the shoulders and shoulder blades, but it also emphasizes the small group of muscles (teres major, infraspinatus, rhomboids) directly under the shoulders. These muscles should exhibit sleek fitness, not a bulging masculine lumpiness.

black bra under white blouse:
A black bra under a white t-shirt is "eh, whatever". A black bra glimpsed through the near-opacity of a white silk blouse is "god does exist". This tandem is alluring in a suggestively concealing manner. It is professional and sexy without being over-the-top slutty.

silly face:
A woman who is willing to scrunch up her nose, wrinkle her forehead, puff out her cheeks, and stick out her tongue for the sake of being silly is hot. The facial expression itself is not hot, but the deeper personality connotations are. Silly, funny, carefree, flippant, and uninhibited are the obvious implications of such an act. A less obvious characteristic that can be divined from wacky facial contortions is self-confidence, as witnessed through the total disregard for the perceptions of others.

jeep babe:
The fundamental babe vehicle is not a cute Miata, sporty BMW Z4, sophisticate Jaguar XJ, classic 1965 Corvette, or tricked out Ranchero. As far as my universe is concerned, the fundamental babe vehicle is a soft-top Jeep Wrangler. The rugged angular frame of the fearless Wrangler accentuates femininity via juxtaposition. Much like the silly face, an outdoorsy Wrangler indicates a carefree independence that I find magnetic.

smell of hair:
Yes, cliché. Every man, who has paused long enough to burry his face in his lover's hair and quaff the swirling aroma of perfume dancing with conditioners and natural fragrances, finds this seemingly inconsequential element thrilling.

smoking:
When done properly, smoking is erotic. A subconscious lick as she gracefully lifts the burning cigarette to her pouty lips. The subtle allusion to fellatio when her mouth parts to receive the cylinder and she sucks on it euphorically. The pursed kisses of air as she climatically exhales a dreamy diaphanous stream of smoke that mingles quixotically with the unseen air currents parting around her. Smokin'. Unfortunately, smoking is a legally lethal health hazard and, aside from that, is rarely performed with proper elegance.

…

So where does this leave me? With Sherry, who fulfills all of these quirks and then some… except we don't own a Jeep Wrangler and I can't seem to convince her to wear a black bra under a white blouse. But, that just leaves me something to look forward to later on in life.

* For the record, I do not subscribe to the philosophy of universal, objective beauty.
...and so it was written, shenry at 4/22/2004 01:23:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .