shenright 7.0: crap at work

This week's shenright is brought to you by the letter "g" for ghost, one of my twilight compatriots. Ghost unwittingly reminded me of something I've always wanted to do… or doodoo, if you will.

I love crapping at work; it's the shenright way to crap. Why crap at home when you can do it on company time. As one of Ghost's coworkers said, "it feels good to know i'm sittin' there droppin' my load and getting paid for it..." So true, so true. I usually smuggle the sports page into the stall so that I can kick back, drop a couple nuggets, and leisurely pursue the Denver Nuggets off-season trades. Yeah, I can kill some serious time in stall #2, my cubicle away from my cubicle.

I've always wondered if I could take this crapping at work to the next level. Could I spend the majority of the workday sitting on a toilet with my pants around my ankles? Let's say I pack a small cooler of food, a good book, and my mp3 player. I come into work and fire up my computer. Shortly thereafter I sneak my supplies into the bathroom and stake my claim on stall #2. I sit there for nearly 8-hours and then return to my desk to log off my computer and leave. When my boss asks, "Hey where were you yesterday? I was looking for you." I get to respond, "In the bathroom." What's boss-man going to do? He can't fire me and he won't interrogate me about my bowel movements.

It's a brilliant plan… if you can get past the vomitrocious hygiene stigma of eating whilst perched upon a toilet in a public restroom. What's the big difference between eating in a public bathroom and eating at Taco Bell? Seriously, every time you eat fast food you're leaving yourself open to all sorts of unsanitary pathogens like hepatitis. Get over it and camp out in your work bathroom for one day next week.
...and so it was written, shenry at 9/03/2004 09:34:00 AM.
...and so it was appended with .