Unclean! Unclean! Look at me. Look at what that evil moon did to me last night. Damnable lunar eclipse and it rays of disease. The ancients were right to fear the bloodmoon of pestilence. I did not heed their warning and now I am cursed with a wildfire outbreak of acne that plagues the right side of my body.

The ridge of oily mountains starts at the corner of my right eyebrow and extends, in all its inflamed red majesty, down the side of my face along the break line of my sideburns. My expertly manicured sideburn terminates at my jaw, unfortunately the unsightly manifestation of pimples does not. A couple scattered zits mar my jaw line and dribble off my greasy chin onto my cleanly shaven neck. The splash pattern falls like a neat thread around the right side of my Adam's apple. The raised bumps here may not necessarily be acne. Perhaps it is mild folliculitis from razor burn or ingrown hairs. From an aesthetic standpoint the cause, be it acne or infected hair follicles, is unimportant while the effect is horridly obvious.

Under my shirt collar the trail of acne continues culminating in a massive orgy of puss-love on my right shoulder and upper back. The zits are as numerous as the stars in the sky. Cassiopia, Perseus, and Draco can all be found by connecting the red bumps in my skin. Of course when you have as much acne as I have, you can find an infinite number of images and pictures. See that cluster along my right lat? I call that one Papa Smurf. Just like any other constellation, you have to use a bit of imagination, a pinch of psychotropics, and a spattle of salt-tossing superstition. I chose Papa over Jokey because of the vibrant red hue in the hat area. Feel free to name a couple on your own; I have plenty of pimples to go around.

What's the deal with all these blocked up infected pores and why only the right side of my body? A zit here or there is fine and dandy, but this outbreak is seriously abnormal and weird. Not like burning discharge weird, more like I'm-fucking-30-so-stop-with-the-acne-already weird. I'm supposed to be past all the pubescent bullshit of cracking voice, zits the size of nursing raccoon nipples, and spontaneous erections. So why do these things continue to plague me? There is no other explanation than last night's unholy lunar eclipse.

Stare upon my disfiguring curse. I will not flinch under the needles of your gaze. If you gasp, I will not cry. Look and heed my warning: Beware the horror of lunar eclipses. From now on, it's all archaic folklore and bizarre superstitions for me. Black cats, salt throwing, palm reading, Jupiter rising, and chicken sacrifices. I must appease the juju ghosts and their enigmatic masters.

...and so it was written, shenry at 10/28/2004 02:54:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .