How do people with no hands wipe their butts? The primary hand alternatives, feet and mouth, can't reach. This must be quite a conundrum. Skip the wipe? Scoot across the living room carpet?

I have a solution for this unsolvable predicament… the Inverted Taco Stand. The stand itself could be either a tripod like those used for sheet music stands or a column like those found on old freestanding ashtrays. Either way, the stand will need to weigh about 25-lbs to keep it stationary and stable. I estimate a 2 to 2.5-foot tall stand will accommodate most people's anal elevation. Atop the stand will be a plastic inverted taco. The way I envision this devise, the inverted taco should be 6-inches long, 4-inches high, and about an inch thick. This plastic taco will need a bit of texture to create a high-friction surface.

Bam! An Inverted Taco Stand to assist with handless ass wiping hygiene.

How do you use the damn thing? Easy! Rip a piece of t.p. off a roll using mouth or foot. Drape the paper over the inverted taco's no-slip surface. Squat over the stand and slide butt hole over the primed t.p. Remove shit stained paper from the stand with mouth or foot and discard in toilet. If necessary, drape another couple toilet paper squares over the Inverted Taco Stand and repeat the procedure until ass has been sufficiently wiped and buffed.

Hopefully, I can lobby the right lawmakers to include my Inverted Taco Stand as a mandatory requirement for all public restrooms… per the Americans With Disabilities Act. I'm gonna be rich and ya'll are gonna be left sayin', "I remember back when you were simply Shenry and you kept it real. Now all you do is throw parties on your giant yacht and insist that people call you Shen-diddy-jova. You've changed, man. You used to blog old school. You don't do that anymore; you pay ghost-bloggers to do all that."

A man can dream, can't he?

Also in the works: The Vibrating Inverted Taco Stand (220-volt outlet required) that doubles as a handless autoerotic pleasuring device.
...and so it was written, shenry at 10/06/2004 02:23:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .