Some people dream of driving a convertible car. Some dream of a swimming pool or a hot tub in their backyard. Others dream of owning a couple acres of mountainside property. We all, including shenry, have dreams and aspirations of materialistic crap like this. Shenry's dream is a smidge more modest and a dash more utilitarian than the prior examples. Shenry's dream is to install an autoflush urinal in one of his bathrooms.

Urinals, in and of themselves, rock for convenience and sanitation. Zip, flip, piss and flush. Porcelain sidewalls and V-shaped reservoirs contain even the most errant of aims and the most wild of sprays (yet some men still manage to splash all over the walls and floors of public restrooms). An autoflush urinal is even better. Zip-flip-piss-flush is reduced to zip-flip-piss. The autoflush urinal is the one thing that public restrooms can brag about. What bizarre social tradition denies such a functional and practical fixture from private household bathrooms? I dunno. I do know that the practice is shenwrong. Urinals (especially the autoflush variety) should be in every private residence; this is undeniably shenright.

And to the women who are complaining about this penis-oriented shenright, chew on this: you will never have to complain about the toilet rim. A urinal in the bathroom gives you license to weld the rim down. There is no reason to let a petty irritation, such as the toilet rim, cause domestic discord. Wouldn't you rather nag your man about more significant issues like your traumatic lack of footwear and his emotional shortcomings? Install a urinal (preferably autoflush) and move on.

I swear upon my Yoda PEZ dispenser that I will one day install an autoflush urinal in my house, and you, too, should install one in your house. If you don't have room in your tiny apartment bathroom then install it in the kitchen next to the refrigerator. There's always room for U-R-I-N-A-L.
...and so it was written, shenry at 10/08/2004 01:11:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .