You wanna know one of shenry's biggest pet peeves? People who take their slow-ass time at automatic teller machines.

In this modern age the atm has become a standard fixture for deposits, withdraws, balance transfers, and buying postage stamps. The atm is a lot easier and faster than the old fashion way of actually going into the bank and sexually harassing the cute teller with her hair pulled up in a bun and her lip gloss beckoning to be kissed. Atm's are easier, but not as fun; it's hard to harass a monochrome monitor.

We use these machines all the time and they are so incredibly user friendly that a 6-year-old can operate them. (And shenry knows this because he lets Lori assist him at the atm.) So how come it takes some people fifteen minutes to do a $40 fast-cash withdraw? C'mon people, this isn't an I.Q. test; this is an atm and it should be second nature, like double-clicking or nuking a tv diner.

Insert card... select English... type PIN# and hit enter... select "withdraw from checking"... type in amount and hit enter... select "No. I do not want another transaction"... take money, take card, and take receipt... step aside while you cram money, card, and receipt in your pocket.

We've all done this before. The standard process should not take more than 60-seconds. We all know the generic questions and the normal order. Granted every atm has its own nuisances; some ask, "Would you like a receipt?" and/or have several non-standard fast-cash options. Even if you need to deposit a check into your savings account, transfer half of that to your checking account, withdraw $100, and buy a book of stamps... 2-minutes max.

Efficiency at the atm is shenright. Shenry loves it when there are two atms side by side. He loves stepping up to the atm and racing against the dude next to him. Shit, shenry will even give the competition a decent head start to make the contest challenging.

This weekend, practice your atm skills. Practice them en español. When the screen gives you the option between English and Spanish, go with Spanish. The questions will be the same and the order will be the same. How hard can it be? A bit more difficult, for sure, but not impossible. If you can hone your español atm skills to black belt level, then imagine how your natural English atm skills will escalate.


(Shenry is not bilingual, nor does he have a semi-firm grasp on the Spanish language. No, shenry had three semesters of high school Spanish over a decade ago and he barely remembers jackmierda.)
...and so it was written, shenry at 1/21/2005 09:25:00 AM.
...and so it was appended with .