I remember when I was a wee lad adults used to ask me, "What the fuck do you want to be when you grow up, bitch?"

This question annoyed me to no end. "I want to be the man that rips your mushy nuts from your saggy sack so that I can shoves said nuts into my cheeks and then stand over your pathetic dickless self doing the best Vito Corleone impersonation ever!"

Whatever. Back when I was a wee lad I used to say stuff like surgeon, dentist, astronomer, and chemist. But what the fuck did I know? I knew I was the smartest sonofabitch in the school. I knew scientists and doctors were smart. Hrm, I guess I should be a scientist or doctor.

Then I graduated from "wee lad" to "lad." This maturity made me wise in the ways of the wise-ass. I began to realize that the question at hand --What do you want to be when you grow up?-- translated to "What do you want to do for the majority of your waking life from here on out?" Obviously, something fun. I decided to become a professional videogame player! Ah, the innocent dreams of youth.

Later on as my lad status waned and I became more wizened and azzened, I realized a new dream job. Why spend the waking hours working when I can spend my sleeping hours working? I wanted to be a mattress tester. I wanted to be paid to sleep. And to this day, matress tester (along with the pro-vid-gamer) still rank as top dream jobs.

Now, I am no longer a lad. Now, I am grown up and I have a job. Now, the question has been answered. I am a civil engineer. Whoo-hoo! The glitter and glam of the in-your-face engineering industry is unsurpassed. I'm living the dream, muthahfuckahs. Jealous much? No, well you shouldn't be. Engineering pays the bills and all, but it's not videogame playing, mattress testing, or sex-slave roadie to the Spice Girls. I still aspire to those jobs. In fact, I've envisioned a job greater than those three combined. Yes, there is something better than being a ps2 playing mattress tester for the Spice Girls. I know it sounds impossible, but peep this yo, my new dream job:

Condom tester.
...and so it was written, shenry at 3/24/2005 09:42:00 AM.
...and so it was appended with .