Shenry goes nowhere without a shoulder bag or backpack. He received his first backpack at the tender age of five. It was a beautiful forest green JanSport daypack that he used every day for kindergarten, and every day for first grade, and everyday for second grade, and everyday for third grade… Eventually as shenry progressed to the heavier studies of upper elementary school, the daypack had to be retired. To this day the forest green pack is still functional. The green nylon is blotched with stains. The zipper on the ancillary compartment doesn't work. And the shoulder straps are frayed beyond belief… but it's still functional.

From K through college shenry has been programmed to use some kind of book carrying devise. He's burned through many backpacks and shoulder bags in those 16-years and each bag is remembered fondly. Some people get wistful about dead pets; shenry gets wistful about decommissioned backpacks. When you think about it, a good pack is better than any pet. Pets eat food and crap everywhere; backpacks don't. Backpacks stylishly haul useless junk around without complaining; pets don't.

Dude, shenry, you're not in school anymore. Get over it, man. Let go of the past and ditch that bulky bag.

A bag is necessary when it comes to public transportation, a mode of getting places that is shenright per article 16.0. A good book (or even a bad book), some music, a notepad, and ninja action figures are great forms of entertainment during a log bus ride. Such items are quite handy to have around even if you're not a bus rider. A small list of situations where having a bagful of entertainment might be beneficial:

• Waiting to get your motor oil changed at Grease Monkey. Sure, they claim it only takes 15-minutes, but it always seems to take so much longer.
  
• Waiting for your blind date to meet you at Taco Bell. Why don't they ever show up?
  
• Great Aunt Mildred's 102nd birthday.
  
• In your car after the check engine light, oil light, and temperature gauge blow out. Without a good book or a couple Barbie dolls, all you can do is curse Grease Monkey for not putting oil back in your car.
  
• At the clinic while you wait for your v.d. results.
  
• During an enormous bowel purge. 'Tis best not rush that sort of thing.
  
• On the off chance that you get zapped to an extra-dimensional desert planet devoid of all life except a sour but nutritious mucus-like slime.

Carrying around a bag --be it backpack or shoulder bag-- is shenright.


In case you care (and you should care because we're talking about shenry), shenry's bag of choice for this Friday is a brown distressed-leather messenger bag. A thorough inventory of shenry's bag reveals quite a bit of shenright shit:

• A 3.3-megapixel digital camera, which actually belongs to work.
  
• A 40GB Nomad Zen with earbuds.
  
• A small jar of petroleum jelly.
  
• A cell phone.
  
• Two eyeglass cases with eyeglasses.
  
• A low frequency FM transmitter that plugs into the car's cigarette lighter.
  
• A cell phone charger for the car.
  
• Scotch tape.
  
• Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes action figures with weapons.
  
• A barf bag stolen from a United airplane.
  
• A couple of wadded up paper towels.
  
• A stack of unpaid bills held together with a binder clip.
  
• St. Thomas Moore's Utopia.
  
• A steno pad filled with Lori's scribbles.
  
• A notepad filled with… um… notes.
  
• A Best Buy coupon.
  
• A combination of ten pens and pencils.
  
• A small binder clip.
  
• Liquorice Altoids. (If evil has a palatable flavor, this is it.)
  
• A Sailor Mercury action figure.
  
• Three hacky-sacks.
  
• A rubber Rufus, the naked mole rat from Kim Possible.(Rufus seriously looks like a penis with buckteeth and a sombrero.)
  
• Black nail polish pen… it's for drawing cool shit on your fingernails.
  
• An extra set of earbuds.
  
• A small Swiss Army knife.
  
• A pencil sharpener.
  
• A money clip… with no money.
  
• A roll of bus tokens.
  
• Two Pseudofed pills.
  
• A nylon strap… no idea where that one came from.
  
• Three empty Altoid tins.
  
• A harmonic… tuned to C.
  
• A handful of spare change.
  
• A flyer-style invitation to a Sagittarius Season Party this weekend.
  
• Toothpicks.

...and so it was written, shenry at 12/10/2004 01:05:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .