This weekend's shenright is about heavy shit, not weighty feces or deep philosophy (did I just repeat myself there?) but straight up stuff that weighs a metric ass-load.

The lifting of heavy shit is fundamentally shenright. It's a test of one's strength, determination, and will. Successfully lifting something heavy results in fluttering butterflies of satisfaction, accomplishment, and gratification.

The overwhelming fulfillment that shenry derives from lifting heavy shit is what compels him to hit the gym three to four times a week. For shenry, very few things in life can compare to a good clean&jerk, which --despite the way it sounds-- is not a masturbatory technique. No, the clean&jerk is pulling a loaded barbell off the floor and hoisting it overhead. It's what those big-ass weightlifter dudes do in the Olympics, though shenry is about half their size. Oh, that's right, the media conglomerate that had rights to this year's Olympics thought it best to broadcast the Neanderthal events such as weightlifting, boxing, and wrestling at 2AM. The narrow-minded execs figured everybody wanted to see testicle-shriveling shit like rhythm gymnastics instead. I don't blame you if you're unfamiliar with the clean&jerk; I blame NBC.

Heavy shit isn't necessarily about going to the gym. You can lift all kinds of heavy shit at home just for the pure joy of it. No need for barbells and iron plate. No need for a formal routine with a predetermined amount of repetitions and sets. This is about finding something heavy and lifting it up simply because you can. This weekend, find something heavy and lift it. If you can, hoist it above your head in triumph. Grunting isn't necessary, but it seems to channel extra determination. Besides, a primal grunt will bring people racing to see what the hell your doing. Finally, throw down your piece of heavy shit (unless it's your tv) in disgust. It's your bitch. You lifted it. You own it.

YhaaaaAAaAAAAAaaaRRRrgh!


(This shenright was inspired by Kristie's Festifus Feats of Strength.)
...and so it was written, shenry at 12/17/2004 02:31:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .