In the spirit of fitness week at The Book:

Knowing one's body is shenright. One should know what one's body is capable of and what it is incapable of. One should know each hair follicle on one's head and each dark mole on one's skin. One should know the roadmap creases on one's palm, the ashy dryness of one's elbows, the Chewbacca-like mane on one's back, and the moist depths of every dark cavity. That's a tall order for one weekend of fun, so let us focus on that last subject... the holes that beg for fingers.

The quasi-wise Brooklyn once told shenry that the male body has nine orifices and the female body has ten. Brooklyn's count is correct, given that the bellybutton is more of a depression and less of a hole. However, of these orifices only six on a man and seven on a woman are probe-able with fingers and toes: Ear holes, nose holes, mouth hole, butt hole, and bobo hole (women only). To make this weekend's shenright more at-home and less at-E.R., shenry suggests sticking to these basic holes.

This weekend probe you body's cavities and orifices, for to know your body intimately is shenright. Shenry suggests beginning this exploration with the mouth, then move to the nostrils, then the ears, then the bobo (girls only), and end with the asshole. This is merely a suggestion; feel free to proceed in whatever order you see fit. If you want to smell earwax and taste crap, that's up to you.

SNAP!

Was that the sound of somebody's sphincter slamming shut like a steel-jawed leg trap? And who shouted, "Exit only! I ain't gay!"? Get over it. We're talking about a gently unobtrusive pinky finger (pinky is a minimum), not a 24-inch Ass Pounder 3000LE (that's the luxury edition with heated seats and retractable splash guard). This is basic biology and anatomy. Come to terms with your illogical fear of all things homosexual and get over your anal repression. The time has come to love the bum, and that love has to come from within.
...and so it was written, shenry at 3/18/2005 03:15:00 PM.
...and so it was appended with .